Monthly Archives: May 2012

Jubilee Dee, Jubilee Do, Jubilee Don’t


So the old dear has been sitting on her wicked posh chair for 60 years. By old dear I mean the wonderful Elizabeth Regina II. I reckon we would get on like a house on fire, so I am now going to refer to her as Maj.Here is what I imagine would be on her dos and don’ts list she has passed to Prince Harry and Pippa for her 4-day weekend bonanza.


  • Make outrageous comments – if you can channel your inner Prince Phillip do so.
  • Wear RWB – It’s time to be patriotic and proud. Find you best Reds, Whites and Blues and rock on.
  • Drink Gin – Everyone know Gin is Maj’s preferred tipple just reference her twitter page @Queen_UK
  • Party Hard – The government is currently telling people to work harder, well I’m telling you to party harder. Maj and I expect all to be enjoying the festivities; DIY is for normal bank holiday weekends.


    • Wear Masks – Maj and I think all these masks of famous people are soooooooooooo last year, she let you rock them at the wedding but two years on the trot is a big no-no.
    • Get fruity with the Pimms – You know when you have finished your glass and all the fruit is at the bottom. You tip the glass up and your head back to try and get the fruit to fall. This is not a good look, don’t do it.
    • Wear a football shirt – England are rubbish, it’s not cool. Maj much prefers rugby and cricket.
    • Leave the country – going abroad for the weekend is for chumps and after discussing it with Maj, we won’t let you back in.
    • Get sunburnt – Wear sunscreen kids

      Goal Celebrations FX by Surrender Monkey

      This is brilliant. (via

      I got to keep on movin’

      You Know it makes sense

      Spectacularly Spexy

      Quick quick, come here I have a secret to tell you.

      Opticians are a rip off.

      No really they are.

      I now fall into the crew of spectacular spec wearers. So having had my eye test for £5 instead of £25, I set about finding some glasses and using the internet as my slutty slave I found the frames I desired.

      Look here they are:


      Off I trotted to David Clulow to makes sure I looked spexy, and as you would expect of course I did. Now here is the reveal. The nice chap in said opticians priced up my lens and the frames and came to a nice round total of £320 = YOU WHAT???

      This wasn’t going to happen. I return home to trawl the internet for cheaper glasses, when I happened upon Not only did they stock the frames I wanted, but lens were free. I was on cloud nine, and endeavoured to get two pairs for a total price of £178. After a couple of clicks and a bit of gobbledegook I had saved £142 and got a second pair, in your face Dave. But in all seriousness get with it opticians, you will go the same way as Music stores/Woolworths/the high street.

      Oh dear Mr Clulow and your pal Trevor Specsaver seem to be on the way out.

      Ps they might be Gay Fan rather than Ray Ban

      Here is the black pair on my face, my niece Sophie seems to like them too. 


      A swift kick up the arse seems to work – Pachyder What

      *Appointment Alert, Appointment Alert*

      My England Squad


      This is how the England squad should look, in my not so humble opinion

      Goalkeepers: Joe Hart (Man City), Rob Green (West Ham), John Ruddy (Norwich)

      Defenders: Glen Johnson (Liverpool), Micah Richards (Man City), Phil Jones (Man United), Rio Ferdinand (Man Utd), Joleon Lescott (Man City), Gary Cahill (Chelsea), Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Leighton Baines (Everton)

      Midfielders: Theo Walcott (Arsenal), Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain (Arsenal), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Michael Carrick (Man Utd), Frank Lampard (Chelsea), Scott Parker (Tottenham), Ashley Young (Man United), James Milner (Man City)

      Forwards: Wayne Rooney (Man United), Danny Welbeck (Man United), Peter Crouch (Stoke City), Grant Holt (Norwich City)

      Standby players: Scott Carson (Bursaspor), Phil Jagielka (Everton), Gareth Barry (Man City), Joe Cole (Lille), Jermain Defoe (Tottenham)

      John Terry has been charged with using racist language, and until the conclusion of that trail should not be picked for England. The court case was only moved by the request of Chelsea FC, which he would have sanctioned at some level.

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