Category Archives: Chat

#AdvertFail

Getting it right won’t change the world but getting it wrong doesn’t half annoy me.

You are a world famous advertising agency, with one of the most notorious advertising campaigns in recent history, think comparison website and an Eastern European meerkat.

You get a brief from a low cost airline to make their first TV advertising campaign. The campaign is to highlight it’s pan-European service. Therefore in the second advert of the campaign, I would suggest not choosing a soundtrack that has lyrics referencing a holiday in a country that is not in Europe and a country that said budget airline do not fly to.

Applause please. We here by welcome VCCP and Europe by Easyjet into the Hall of Shame.

 

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I want to run and run and run

I have started to hit gym, and roads, again after my operation.

What is the goal?

The goal is to run a marathon.

Why?

Well there is a long list of reasons, but the main one is that I never thought I would be able to, because of the state of my joints.

When?

I’m not mental; I’m giving myself 2 years. I would love to be able to say I’ll do one next year, but I need to make sure I will be able to walk afterwards and that means test my knees and ankles for a long sustained period.

Why am I writing this up?

This is my pact with you. If by 16th October 2014 I have not signed up to run a marathon, you can kick me in the shins and flick my ears.

 

The XXXth Olympiad goes to London

The Olympics are drawing to a close, and it has been MAGIC. Team GB has managed to win 65 medals, their best result since 1908 when Great Britain won 146 medals, and well, that isn’t going to happen again.

I manage to get tickets and had such an epic 3 days at events.

London basked in the glory of 5 coloured rings, albeit with the odd shower here and there.  We are now on the final day of the 30th Olympiad and it has brought out the best aspects of the beautiful city I live in.  I was lucky enough to attend 3 events over the middle weekend, with the first being in the Olympic park. The Stratford site is awe inspiring and the atmosphere is incredible.

 

Day 1

Hockey – India Vs Germany and TeamGB Vs Pakistan

The first event was the only ticket I had for the Olympic park, so we arrived early to try and take in as much as possible. We headed off at 10am and were on site within the hour. Nightmare journeys my arse.

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Day 2

Football – Mexico Vs Senegal

The atmosphere outside the ground was great, with Mariachi bands and Luchador masks. The first half was pitiful, but the game got going in the second half and extra time was end to end. Mexico won this game and went on to glinch the gold medal.

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Day 3

Beach Volleyball – Austria Vs China and Italy Vs Team USA

The holy grail of Olympic tickets; a full women’s session at Horse Guards Parade. Beach Volleyball seems to be more about the beer and less about the sport. Don’t get me wrong I love the sport and have had immense fun playing whenever possible but at this Olympics, in London, it was more party than sport.

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 Roll on the Paralympics, I haven’t got any tickets yet, but you can only hope…….

Oh and Ps. If you are one of those boring Londoners who fled the city during the Games, you are more than welcome to return now but we did pretty well without you so feel free to stay away.

 

 

New York, New York

It’s a bit late but remember last month, yeah.

What did you do?

I went to New York. Sorry for the late post, I have no excuse, just an apology.

My main reason for voyaging across the Atlantic (Okay, I flew) was to visit a pretty cool lady who was living in Brooklyn. But I never need much of an excuse to visit America, especially New York.

There was lots of eating and catching up, a bit of drinking and some more eating, sprinkled with some sightseeing, eating, shopping, eating, lots of walking, oh and a bit more eating.

 

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Jubilee Dee, Jubilee Do, Jubilee Don’t

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So the old dear has been sitting on her wicked posh chair for 60 years. By old dear I mean the wonderful Elizabeth Regina II. I reckon we would get on like a house on fire, so I am now going to refer to her as Maj.Here is what I imagine would be on her dos and don’ts list she has passed to Prince Harry and Pippa for her 4-day weekend bonanza.

Do

  • Make outrageous comments – if you can channel your inner Prince Phillip do so.
  • Wear RWB – It’s time to be patriotic and proud. Find you best Reds, Whites and Blues and rock on.
  • Drink Gin – Everyone know Gin is Maj’s preferred tipple just reference her twitter page @Queen_UK
  • Party Hard – The government is currently telling people to work harder, well I’m telling you to party harder. Maj and I expect all to be enjoying the festivities; DIY is for normal bank holiday weekends.

    Don’t

    • Wear Masks – Maj and I think all these masks of famous people are soooooooooooo last year, she let you rock them at the wedding but two years on the trot is a big no-no.
    • Get fruity with the Pimms – You know when you have finished your glass and all the fruit is at the bottom. You tip the glass up and your head back to try and get the fruit to fall. This is not a good look, don’t do it.
    • Wear a football shirt – England are rubbish, it’s not cool. Maj much prefers rugby and cricket.
    • Leave the country – going abroad for the weekend is for chumps and after discussing it with Maj, we won’t let you back in.
    • Get sunburnt – Wear sunscreen kids

      Spectacularly Spexy

      Quick quick, come here I have a secret to tell you.

      Opticians are a rip off.

      No really they are.

      I now fall into the crew of spectacular spec wearers. So having had my eye test for £5 instead of £25, I set about finding some glasses and using the internet as my slutty slave I found the frames I desired.

      Look here they are:

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      Off I trotted to David Clulow to makes sure I looked spexy, and as you would expect of course I did. Now here is the reveal. The nice chap in said opticians priced up my lens and the frames and came to a nice round total of £320 = YOU WHAT???

      This wasn’t going to happen. I return home to trawl the internet for cheaper glasses, when I happened upon eyewearbrands.com. Not only did they stock the frames I wanted, but lens were free. I was on cloud nine, and endeavoured to get two pairs for a total price of £178. After a couple of clicks and a bit of gobbledegook I had saved £142 and got a second pair, in your face Dave. But in all seriousness get with it opticians, you will go the same way as Music stores/Woolworths/the high street.

      Oh dear Mr Clulow and your pal Trevor Specsaver seem to be on the way out.

      Ps they might be Gay Fan rather than Ray Ban

      Here is the black pair on my face, my niece Sophie seems to like them too. 

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      My England Squad

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      This is how the England squad should look, in my not so humble opinion

      Goalkeepers: Joe Hart (Man City), Rob Green (West Ham), John Ruddy (Norwich)

      Defenders: Glen Johnson (Liverpool), Micah Richards (Man City), Phil Jones (Man United), Rio Ferdinand (Man Utd), Joleon Lescott (Man City), Gary Cahill (Chelsea), Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Leighton Baines (Everton)

      Midfielders: Theo Walcott (Arsenal), Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain (Arsenal), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Michael Carrick (Man Utd), Frank Lampard (Chelsea), Scott Parker (Tottenham), Ashley Young (Man United), James Milner (Man City)

      Forwards: Wayne Rooney (Man United), Danny Welbeck (Man United), Peter Crouch (Stoke City), Grant Holt (Norwich City)

      Standby players: Scott Carson (Bursaspor), Phil Jagielka (Everton), Gareth Barry (Man City), Joe Cole (Lille), Jermain Defoe (Tottenham)

      John Terry has been charged with using racist language, and until the conclusion of that trail should not be picked for England. The court case was only moved by the request of Chelsea FC, which he would have sanctioned at some level.

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